dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
