nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
ttyl tear gas
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
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