I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
