i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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