Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
