you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
