I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
it's like heaven, but drunker
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Randomize
