first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
