I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
Randomize
