have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
she told me i tasted like america
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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