Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
Randomize
