Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
