You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
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