Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
