A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Randomize
