remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Randomize
