saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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