Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
