My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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