You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
