he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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