I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
