I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
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