it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Randomize
