Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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