Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Randomize
