i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
