The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
