Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
