i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
