she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
