You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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