If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
