I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
