is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
Randomize
