I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
Randomize
