I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
