I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
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