His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
