Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
What a dumb baby whore.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
