that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
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