can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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