you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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