just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
curled up in a ball on my bed listening to my "cuddle with a boy" playlist. prettty high.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
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