we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
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