well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Randomize
