I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
