A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
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