Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
