sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
We just shotgunned beers for America
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
