we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
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They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
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Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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