In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
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