omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Randomize
