I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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