True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
