Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
