I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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