I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
