I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
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