I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
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