what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Randomize
