First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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