im about as happy as oj after his trial
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
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