I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
