didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
