bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
