I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
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I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize