You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Honest opinion...too aggressive to bring the funnel out to the bar? Also just so you know im at the bar. with the funnel.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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