Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
