I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
