Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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