she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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