Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize