If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
my shit smells like andre
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
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