you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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