I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
