Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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