please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
he shaved USA in his pubs
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
