i would punch a child for taco bell
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
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She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
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I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
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