I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
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