He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
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Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
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I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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