im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
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My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
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She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
May the power of my ass compel you!!
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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